SB就是用来C的，sb指的是什么英语

　　听着很有道理啊！

　　本文转载自Panopath过来人，微信号SB就是用来C的：Panopath_liuxue

　　这些天，ApSB就是用来C的的乌云渐渐罩上高中学生的天灵盖，Final的折磨也让大学狗们半死不活，与之形成鲜明对比的，是刚刚交完毕业论文（thesis）的大四狗。

　　如果在人人自危的Final Week期间，SB就是用来C的你看到有人在喷泉中跳舞，在草丛里呕吐。 别担心，这些人只是写完论文太开心了。

　　因为写论文真的是一个很痛苦的过程啊！

　　当你的数据有问题的时候，当你的模型有问题的时候，当你明明什么问题也没有，都提前写完了，导师却贪得无厌的又要你“延伸”一下某一个话题的时候。

　　拖延....悄无声息的扩散开来。

　　“一个受过高等教育的人的拖延，那必然是不可阻挡的。”——冰心

　　可不是么，两个哈佛大四狗，就在憋不出论文的拖延当中，做出了一个让更多大四狗陷入拖延的论坛。

　　“LOL MY THESIS"(噗噗噗SB就是用来C的我的论文）

　　这个论坛的概念很简单，就是用一句话概括自己的毕业论文。

　　比方说这个网站程序员的论文题目就是

Global network infrastructures are held together by duct tape, spit, and prayers.

　　Computer Science, Harvard

　　全球互联网的基底不堪一击，就像是用玻璃胶，唾沫星子和少女的祈祷勉强粘在一起的。

　　此举马上引发了大量世界各地的大四狗掏心掏肺的用一句话概(tu)括(cao)自己的论文

I studied a protein for 4,5 years nobody ever studied before. Now I know why.

　　Biochemistry, University of Hohenheim

　　我研究了一种四五年来没人研究过的蛋白质，现在我知道它为什么四五年来都没人研究过了。

I made a new chemical that kills cancer cells, it also kills everything else

　　Chemistry, Leiden University

　　我做出了一种化学物质可以杀死癌细胞！！！不过它把其他所有的东西都杀光了...

I tried to make explosives, but they just fell to nanopieces.

　　Materials Chemistry, Washington University

　　我想搞出些大爆炸，结果它们就只是自个儿碎成了一小片一小片

No one in finance has any idea what they are doing.

　　Economics, Claremont

　　搞金融的其实也不知道他们在做啥

Playing World of Warcraft helps me understand economic principles…seriously.

　　Mathematics and Economics, UC San Diego

　　玩WoW让我理解经济学原理...真哒

The more money your wife makes, the longer you can sit around on your ass before finding a job.

　　Economics, University of Notre Dame

　　“Spousal Income as Insurance in the Job Search Market”

　　你老婆赚的钱越多，你可以失业在家抠脚的时间就越多

It sucks to be poor. Unless there’s an economic crisis- then maybe it doesn’t suck, but it probably still does.

　　Economics, NYU Abu Dhabi

　　A Sector Analysis of Emerging Economies During Crisis

　　没钱真的很糟，除非经济危机了，那可能就没那么糟了，当然有可能还是很糟。

　　正经标题：经济危机下的新兴经济体研究

After one year of numerical modelling, I have still no clue what is going on in the oil market.

　　Economics, Berlin

　　经过一整年的数学建模，我还是搞不懂原油市场到底是怎么了

Heavy stuff is hard to sell online.

　　Economics, Harvard

　　“The Price Is Right: Evidence of Supply-Side Constraints in Online Retail”

　　重的东西很难放在网上卖

yeah, communism didn’t work, but capitalism doesn’t really work either, and no i don’t have a solution i’m just pointing it out

　　Philosophy (economic/political focus), University of Denver

　　Good on Paper, But Not in Practice: The Moral and Practical Failings of the Current Economic Systems

　　蒽，共产主义不Work, 不过资本主义其实也不Work。 不我才没有什么解决方法我就是那么一说。

Turns out almost everything is a waste of time

　　Ancient Philosophy, Dartmouth College

　　Seneca the Younger’s Ethics of Time

　　事实证明，做什么都是浪费时间

Why I will be me tomorrow… yeah, squeeze 10,000 words outta that.

　　Philosophy, King’s College London

　　“How To Preserve Personal Identity Over Time”

　　为什么“我”明天还是“我”...蒽，我挤出了10,000字呢

If everyone could just shut the fuck up we wouldn’t have to worry about freedom of speech

　　Philosophy, University of Michigan

　　如果大家都tm闭上嘴就没有言论自由的问题了

No One is Talking About What They Think They’re Talking About, Including Me Probably

　　Philosophy, University of Pittsburgh

　　你所说的 不是你以为你在说的，也包括我说的哦～

What if, like, adding one hair to a bald man’s dome could make him immediately not bald, but we could just never know?

　　Philosophy, Vassar College

　　也许...在秃头上加一根头发，他就瞬间不秃了....只是我们不知道....

So if Person A is like “[blah blah blah]” and Person B is like “Oh, you mean like [yada yada yada]?” and Person A is like “No, I mean [blah blah blah]” and Person B is like “Nah, bro, I’m pretty sure you mean [yada yada yada]”, Person B is being both philosophically unsound and a dick.

　　Philosophy, Middlebury College

　　如果A说“不拉不拉不拉”， B说“哦，你的意思是呀哒呀哒呀哒”

　　A说“不，我的意思是不拉不拉不拉”

　　然后B说“不，哥们儿，我很确信你在说呀哒呀哒呀哒”

　　那么从哲学意义上B非常不合理，而且他就是一个混蛋。

Psychopaths just don’t give a shit.

　　Psychology, The University of Texas at Austin

　　蛇精病根本不鸟你

Psychopaths are mean.

　　Psychology, University College London.

　　蛇精病真的很过分

There is a little psychopath in all of us.

　　Psychology, Northwestern

　　其实我们多多少少都有点蛇精

Like people, some rats are procrastinating jerks, and some rats are ambitious badasses, here is how I convinced them all to find the jellybean in the end.This theory didn’t work on my lazy boyfriend.

　　Psychology, Monash University

　　Labour and Happiness; The Relationship Between Difficulty of Task and Chemical Brain Activity

　　就像人一样，有些老鼠很拖延，有些老鼠很争气。 我成功调教了所有鼠去找糖豆。但这个理论在我懒惰的男票身上根本不管用。

Money can buy happiness, sorry.

　　Psychology, Middle East Technical University

　　不好意思，有钱真的可以买到快乐。

Turns out, people don’t like it when you sleep with their girlfriend.

　　Psychology, Duke University

　　事实证明...人们不喜欢你睡他们女票

Forty undergrads watched pornography with me and it didn’t fry their memory.

　　Psychology, Moravian College.

　　The Naked Truth: The Effects of Pornography on Memory Recall

　　我邀请40个本科生跟我一起看黄片，但是他们的记忆力并没有因此下降

Psychology is not a real science, and people don’t think of it as a real science.

　　Psychology, Yale University

　　心理并不是真正的科学，反正也没人觉得它是。

Turns out that a small sample of college students provides very inconclusive and insignificant results.

　　Psychology, Stetson University

　　（都是泪） 一小撮大学生根本不具备统计显著性。

College math is way harder than high school math and nobody likes it.

　　Mathematics, University of Victoria

　　大学数学比高中数学难多了而且也没人喜欢

And so it turns out that a sphere is not, in fact, a donut.

　　Math, Lewis & Clark College

　　事实上Sphere其实，并不是甜甜圈形状的

Computations. A lot of computations. You don’t see the point ? I don’t either.

　　Mathematics, Rouen (France)

　　计算.....超多计算...你搞不懂这有啥意义？我也不懂啊

Stalin had bad taste in architecture

　　History and Russian Studies

　　斯大林对建筑的品味真的超级差

Japan hasn’t acknowledged responsibility for its war crimes because the US is a meddling asshole

　　History, Brown University

　　“Examining factors that explain the differences between the acceptance and atonement of war crimes of Japan and Germany in the decades following World War Two”

　　日本不觉得自己要对二战里做的屎事负责，因为美国是个爱管闲事的臭傻逼。

Congress can’t be fixed because Congress is Congress and Congress is Stupid

　　History of Public Policy, UCSB

　　The Decline and Fall of the Southern Democrats; A Case Study in Political Change

　　谁也带不动国会，因为国会是国会，而国会很Stupid。

People kill people in war because that’s what you do.

　　History, Western Illinois University

　　人在打仗的时候会杀人，因为...你还能干嘛呢？

Oooh, pretty manu.

　　Medieval History and Literature, Harvard College

　　哇哦哦哦，好看的手稿耶～～

Someone wrote a book about my thesis which was published in the last month I was working on it, so here are some fun facts about San Francisco.

　　History, Scripps College.

　　上个月，当我在努力憋我的论文时，有一个人就同样的话题出了一整本书...好了现在我们来看一看我的新作品 《不可不知的三番小趣闻》

Sailboats go faster when there’s more wind.

　　Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering, Webb Institute

　　“Developing a Velocity Prediction Program for Sailing Yachts Using an Artificial Neural Network ”

　　震惊！风大的时候，帆船开得更快。

Can we make big planes better? Turns out we can’t.

　　Mechanical Engineering, University of New South Wales (Australia)

　　“An Investigation into Energy Recovery Systems for Large Commercial Aircraft via Comparative Cycle, Sensitivity and Exergetic Analyses”

　　我们能让大飞机更棒吗？不我们不能。

If more Americans studied engineering, there would probably be more American engineers.

　　MSc, Management, the Frankfurt School of Finance & Management

　　The U.S. Manufacturing Talent Crisis: systemic trends, company policy, and their potential effects on American manufacturing employment and global competitiveness

　　转疯了！如果更多美国人学工程的话，将会有更多美国工程师

Micromotors: So Cool, So Useless

　　Electrical Engineering, Case Western Reserve University

　　“Characterization of a Closed-Loop Micromotor Control System”

　　微型摩托：超酷炫！超没用！

Blah blah blah; you stopped listening anyway becase it’s about statistics.

　　Decision Sciences and Engineering Systems, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute

　　A New Method for Multivariate Analysis of Rank Order Data

　　布拉布拉布拉，你已经没在听了因为这是无聊到爆的统计

If it ain’t broke, try to fix it until it is.

　　Electrical and computer Engineering, Instituto Superior Técnico in Lisbon

　　如果它没坏，请修到它坏掉为止。

When you burn something, it will be gone.

　　Aerospace Engineering, University of Stuttgart, Germany

　　如果你烧掉了什么东西，它就没了...

I was payed to sit on a hillside and count grass and then my research site burned down, so here’s a mathematical model I don’t understand

　　Environmental Studies - Biology, Whitman College

　　Investigating Populations of Pseudoroegneria spicata in Eastern Washington using a Stochastic Integral Projection Model

　　我本来开开心心的在山上带薪数小草，然后那儿烧没了，所以...这儿是一个我根本不懂的数学模型...

I killed approximately 15,000 plants to find out…yeah, they die when you put them in an oven.

　　Evolutionary Biology, San Diego State University

　　在搞死了大概15，000只植物之后我发现....蒽，把植物放进微波炉，它们就会死

My invasive fruit flies won’t have sex for me.

　　Botany/Entomology, New College of Florida

　　我的果蝇不愿意为我啪啪啪

Where the fuck is the RNA?

　　Chemical & Physical Biology, Harvard College

　　Thinking Outside the Cell: Nucleic Acid Content of Exosomes and Extracellular Fluid

　　RNA他妈在哪？

RNA is a bitch

　　Molecular Biology, Scripps College

　　RNA就是个臭婊子

When angry, sea cucumbers blow their guts out through their anus

　　Marine Biology, University of Western Australia

　　气到屁爆的时候，海参会把肠子喷出肛门...

Turns out, these fish are way more social on a Friday night than I am.

　　Biology, Stanford University

　　The Neural Mechanism of Social Ascent: A Novel Role for Isotocin and Arginine Vasotocin in Behavior Modulation during Social Flux

　　搞了半天，这些鱼在周五晚上比我Social多了...

Put a worm where there’s no food: it’ll crawl away.

　　Developmental Genetics, Rockefeller University.

　　The long-range directional behavior of the nematode C. elegans.

　　把虫子放到一个没有吃的的地方，他就会爬走....

Jellyfish don’t like it when you acidify their tank

　　Marine Biology, St Andrews

　　水母不喜欢你酸化它的水缸

Wild chimpanzees drink when they are thirsty

　　Biology, University of Neuchâtel

　　野生的大猩猩口渴的时候...竟然会喝水！

Everybody poops. EVERYBODY.

　　Biology, University of Pittsburgh

　　所有人都拉屎，所有人！！

I try to tell cells how much stuff to make. They ignore me.

　　Biology, Stanford University

　　Engineering bidirectional chemical regulation of endogenous genes.

　　我尝试告诉细胞们要做些什么，他们无视了我

　　哈哈哈哈哈哈这些论文真的没问题吗？？？

　　但是仔细想想，好像也没什么不对？

　　在这里祝各位大四狗，交Thesis快乐了！最后.....让我们来用一个人的论文概括结尾吧！

Stories are good, life is hard, let’s dance about it.

　　Humanities, New College of Florida

　　故事不错，人生艰辛，不如跳舞

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